is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
