I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
