i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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