So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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