Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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