we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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