guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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