ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
