I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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