she was so not down for the gang bang
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
