Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
