I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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