I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
