So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
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