Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
