i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
