If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
