i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
