LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
