I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
