There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Randomize
