So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
