the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
