I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I stole a fireplace last night.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Randomize
