We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I'm too high and old for this...
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
