I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
