you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
