I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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