my vag is so smooth its legendary
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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