I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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