Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
