Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
