i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Congratulations! We have a period
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