Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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