some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
