i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
