maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
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