Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Randomize
