So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Randomize
