Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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