he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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