i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
