If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
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