there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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