I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
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