I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I love you.
Bad choice
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