I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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