O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
