Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
you never un-have a 4some
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
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