i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize