She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
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