yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
