my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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