Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Randomize
