8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
