I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
tell me about the fingering
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