You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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