Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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