Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Randomize
