oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Randomize