guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Acid is not a monday night drug
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
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