I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Randomize
