im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
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