...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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