so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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