just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I smell like Dick and happiness
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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