yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
