oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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