OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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