i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
