Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Randomize
