If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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