K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
