whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
