ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
