Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
i drank out of a bidet.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Randomize
