wrigley field is MILF paradise
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
