Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Randomize
