I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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