seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
