Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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