Rock
Scissors
Fuck
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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