from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
