perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize