1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
