i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
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