I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
