the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I deserve this hangover.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
