and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
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