Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I'm getting married
To pizza
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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