Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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