On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize