allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
So many bounce houses so little time
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
