What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
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