so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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