and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
