I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
