my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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