I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
