That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
