My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
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