i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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