Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
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