its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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