My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
is that a dick in a sweater?
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
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